2001-08-28 - 12:10 a.m. / current mood: creative

I meant to write yesterday but by 10 minutes it's today, and I am now 34.

The other day I had the chance to go out on a boat with Jeff, who owns the boat, and Ann who is my good friend but is friendlier with Jeff then I, and how I actually got on the boat.

Anyway, I thought his boat was in Boston but it was about a half and hour south from here in Fairhaven. When we started out I was loving it, and it was a _perfect_ day to be out on a boat. I know absolutely nothing about boating, but I did find out Jeff's boat is a motor boat, as opposed to a sail boat, and it was made primarily for fishing. Jeff is passionate about fishing, but I didn't know he was going to fish that day.

After the bridge opened up, we made out for deeper water, and I sat in the seat facing the back as we went faster and faster, I was mesmerized by the blue of the sky and the cumulus clouds, my problems on land seemed far away, I loved the speed, the water flying up on both sides, enjoying each drop flying.

My heart sank, although, when Jeff started baiting one of his fishing rods. "Your going to fish?" "Yep, he smiled."

Ann and I are like sisters. Friends since I was 14 her 15, my vegetarianism and animal rights beliefs aggravate her. Jeff didn't realize how badly I felt watching fish with sharp hooks in their bodies, but Ann did. It hurt me that she egged Jeff on, and proclaimed her desire to reel in a fish.

I was torn. I didn't want to stand up and talk about the abomination of fishing, on Jeff's boat, and confirm to Ann I was a preachy, unrealistic, pain in the ass... Jeff ate fish, didn't he? Well, isn't it better he caught them himself, instead of just going to a restaurant like nearly everyone else, oblivious to the nature of the creature they were eating?

I asked him if he would let them go if he caught one, and he said he would. As time went on, my reactions and the conversations between Ann and myself had Jeff realizing were I stood on things, he didn't realize I was as passionate about animal cruelty as he was about fishing.

Before the realization hit him the fishing line pulled with the weight of a fish. He asked me if I wanted to reel it in. I told him no. Ann jumped up and tried, but it was too heavy for her. He pulled the fish up out of the water and he said it was a blue fish. The fish's struggle to free himself from the line, made me ache, maybe he wasn't capable of higher cognitive functions, but it had a strong desire to live. The hook stuck through it's mouth was horrible, Jeff pulled it out, and it took so much force. I felt defeated. I felt the pain. He threw it back in. I almost thought it would be kinder to kill it. The ocean isn't a kind place. How can it survive with it's mouth hanging off practically? Jeff and Ann were under the assumption that "they were tough", "the salt water will heal it", I was sceptical.

We went through the same thing with a larger blue fish, about 14 pounds. The hook was deeply imbedded in the front of it's bottom lip. I was frantic to get it out. It looked unbelievably painful. I went to help Jeff hold the fish so he could get the hook out but he was afraid I was going to get bitten, he had me grab a large pair of pliers. He pulled the hook out with tremendous force. I again felt defeated, tired now. I couldn't take anymore of this. "Jeff please put the fishing pole away." He did.

The ride back wasn't as nice.

That night I went to Ann's house to just hang out awhile. There were a few people over. Basically, a quiet night. We talked alot about our past, our group of friends, and how most of us in high school had a lot of dysfunction in our lives, and in retrospect how fitting it was that we were a group. Everyone has achieved in some way or another be it family, school, or work. Many people wrote us off because we were so rebellious.

We were just adventurers.

Tonight Sandy, Julie, Ann, and Michelle dear friends from the aforementioned group are taking me to the Marina Bay for dinner. I've never been there but it's very popular, you can sit outside on the water while you eat.

I'm 34 today.

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