2000-05-23 - 22:10:11 / current mood: creative

Days since last left house--3

"The third time I saw lightning strike
It hit me in bed
It threw me around
And left me for dead
For a second that room was on the moon
Then everything went black
I left that house on fire
And I never went back
Hey Hey Hey!!!
But I like it when that lightning comes
Hey Hey Hey!!!
Yes I like it a lot" ---The Cure

Well, as you can imagine by the previous the last couple of days here we have had rain and some thunder showers. I actually like rain, and storms, but like most people not for extended periods of time. One of my cats Baxter is afraid of storms. I acquired him a year ago in Maine as a stray, he is a huge Maine Coon and so gentle, with the sweetest face. He is so funny he just sits back and watches everyone, never fights, always avoids former, and he sleeps on his back with his big furry belly sticking out. It tugs at my heart to think of all the times he must of had no place to hide when there were storms.....I found him on the porch in February, curled up in a box I put out there, because there was so many strays. He has the most unusual vocalizations which sounds like he is asking a quesion/rolling his tongue--almost bird-like. When I looked up Maine Coons I found that this is normal for them. He used that "meow" on me and before I knew it I was coaxing him in the house. His ears were filled with mites, and his long coat was matted from head to foot. He was neutered though, so someone claimed him at one time. My neighbor mentioned that she thought he was owned by a past renter, and they moved out without him. How can people do these things??? So many like Baxter too.............

I finished Weaveworld by Clive Barker last night at ~0300. I had one of those moments when I finally went to bed when I questioned if maybe it would be better if I just wasn't here. I AM not or WOULD ever consider killing myself. We have all had these moments when we get metaphysical.....Well, I had a siamese cat on my chest, a chihuahua under the covers attached to my leg, Daisy my gray tabby-like cat up on a top clothes shelf langoriously licking herself, and Baxter on the floor sleeping-----on his back. Who would feed them? God knows when they would find me ;>

I'm wondering why I am doing this--I'm such a private person. I think one reason is I'm trying to reach out of my isolation. Since I have started this I do not want to just drop it. I'm going to try my best. I have several friends in Boston from childhood who I still keep in touch with and see regularly, and I couldn't imagine them living like this. Many of them couldn't I believe. How am I able to? That's what I'm afraid of I've got too comfortable in my isolation--progagate it. It's funny, because I like people, am very good at my job as a nurse--which involves people. Get along smashingly with my co-workers. Actually, I'm often the most talkative, and making jokes......The people at work laugh when I tell them I'm shy. I feel shy, but everyone who knows me doesn't think so. It's a paradox of sorts. I generally get along well with people, like people, have had very long-term relationships(2), yet there is a part that is like a lone wolf.

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